![]() ![]() Research on the impact of positive words is impressive. and Mark Waldman, the authors of Words Can Change Your Brain, positive words, “can alter the expression of genes, strengthening areas in our frontal lobes and promoting the brain’s cognitive functioning.” Most importantly, how do they react to positive words of hope?Īccording to Andrew Newberg, M.D. Think about the word hope and how children behave when they have hope. Seligman wrote, “We have discovered that there are human strengths that act as buffers against mental illness.” Hope is one of them. In the Handbook of Positive Psychology, Martin E. Hope is one of my favorite words because of the positive impact it has on children. If I knew then what I know now, I would have slowed down and thought more carefully about the impact of my tone and words on my children. Psychologist John Bowlby wrote, “Humans have an innate tendency to make strong affectional bonds (attachments), and that separation or threat of separation of these bonds causes emotional distress, sadness, and in some cases, severe depression.”Īs I reflect on my role as a father, I cannot help but think there were many moments when my words negatively impacted my children. Notice if your judgmental words cause her shame or discomfort. Next time you interact with your child, notice if your positive words uplift him. But I do know that one little boy was elevated, and one little boy was deflated because of the words and tone of their parents. I certainly do not know which little boy will grow up more secure. I do not know which little boy has a healthier family life. He seemed to feel secure, protected, and praised for his actions. ![]() The little boy’s face lit up, and he was beaming with pride. The mother jumped in using positive words and tone: “Oh, we are not catching today we are just fishing. I asked the little boy if he caught anything. Shortly after witnessing the interaction between the father and son, I walked further and noticed a mother and her young son.Įnjoying the benefits of nature, mother and son were happily walking onto a dock with fishing poles in hand, chatting with one another. Most troubling is that these feelings can lead to attachment issues between father and son-a break in the emotional bond that is at the foundation of a parent-child relationship. What matters is whether the father’s spoken words caused his son to feel shame or unsafe. Were the father’s actions and words conscious or unconscious? Does it matter? Did he feel ashamed that he could not pee like an older boy? The little boy looked anxious he needed to pee.Īs I walked by the two of them, the father said to me, “I don’t know why he has to pull his pants down to do that.” My peaceful reflection was abruptly interrupted by a young father impatiently gesturing to his three-year-old son to move behind a small boulder at the park’s entrance. As a newly minted therapist and father of three beautifully imperfect adult children, I had been reflecting about the power of positive words on a recent walk through a park near my home and how my words may have impacted my children. While perfection as a parent is an unattainable goal, the words and tone parents use can tremendously influence a children’s sense of self. ![]() Research at the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University suggests that the single most common factor for developing resilience is the presence of at least one supportive adult in a child’s life.Īre you that adult in your child’s life? Do your positive words outweigh your negative ones? Yet the power of positive words from a supportive parent is undeniable.ĭuring these unprecedented times, the importance of raising resilient children is more important than ever. Positive words are not always easy for parents to speak, especially during moments when they wish their child were behaving differently. ![]()
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